Revitalizing our Relationships

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All of us thrive when we have loving and reciprocal relationships.

Healthy relationships contribute to a better quality of life —and yet making, keeping, and growing relationships is a challenge. There is irony in the fact that we now are more digitally connected than ever before and yet more physically disconnected.

A novel challenge in relationship-building is how we manage our relationship to technology. It is not surprising as we are the first humans who have had to deal with the pros and cons of cell phones; devices that take advantage of our dopamine system to capture our attention. Despite this real caution we do not need to throw away our phones, we can instead take responsibility for our relationship and agreement with it. Likewise, to revitalize our relationships we must choose to engage in ways that nurture and support us and our relationships while being clear and actionable on what we no longer wish to continue allowing.

We must face what is difficult.

Why are relationships so difficult?

They change, or more specifically— we all change.

If you’ve ever had a breakup with a friend or a partner then you probably know how impactful and transformative ending a relationship can be.

If you’ve had a difficult conversation with a parent or family member then you’ve likely experienced hurt and frustration in the ways that we as people communicate with one another.

If you’ve ever experienced depression or anxiety then you may know how important having self love is in contributing to our experience— and so here is where we will begin:

The foundation of all of our relationships is our connection to ourselves and our own self-awareness.

The -me- in here

The first relationship we ever have is the one between the voice in our head and the one listening to that voice; both of which is us.

That is the basis!

• Are we dedicating time to ourselves to explore our shadows?
• Are we listening and responding from a place of compassion, patience, and grace?

Relationship stems from the Latin relationem (nominative relatio) “a bringing back, restoring; a report, proposition.”

I therefore propose cultivating the intention to restore our sense of belonging and wellness within ourselves.

“Outer experience is a reflection of inner reality.” (33 Principles of Spiritual Psychology. University of Santa Monica)

Trust:

Trust is the foundation for long lasting relationships. We start by practicing with ourselves; this is listening to our intuition. We can then trust others if we have ourselves trust in what we have agreed to. That looks like setting boundaries which are about preserving love. It looks like not taking anything personally and not making assumptions. Trust is pronoia - No one is against us; we can reduce our overthinking.

As we begin to practice this careful attention inwards, the outer follows.

The -me- out there

Our inner connection cannot fully grow without feedback from our relationships with others.

In our inner exploration, contemplation, and expression; the outside world doesn’t change so much as we change our perception to it. You smile and the neighbor smiles too. We begin to be vulnerable with others and they open up too, we give ourselves self-respect and we are respected. Or if we are not respected, we see it as an opportunity to practice our changed inner behavior. To act from kindness and love.

Remember we don’t have to all agree on everything, that’s not the point of relating. We can share values and we do that through our Clear Communication:

If we are ever to truly be free and have our needs met then we must be able to communicate our needs. We must be honest and that does take serious work in clarifying what it is we really desire and want. We cannot leave others to guess or continue old patterns.

• Has a relationship fallen apart because you avoided a difficult conversation?
• Have you ever lost a friend over their inconsideration of your needs?
• Has a relationship stagnated or ended due to the lack of intimacy?

There is not a single solution and relationship-building is a life-long effort. Life is relationship building.

What we all need is a diverse set of psychological tools to deal with these challenges. Two resources that have helped me are non-violent communication and heart centered listening.

Through our consideration of the impact of our actions towards others, we may all begin to live more fulfilling lives.

We must model the behaviors we wish to see in the world. Be fair and cultivate non-separateness, understanding, intelligence, free from authority. The way we meet the external world is itself a communication of how we ourselves are asking to be met and so if you wish to be heard; listen and you will be heard - If we want to have the best of us drawn out then draw out the best in others.

The -unity- in all things

There is no greater sense of interconnectedness than when we see the unity in all things. When we dispel fear in our lives not only does an inner peace begin to appear, so does our peace with others and the world around us.

Humans from across the world have all landed at some point on developing their civilization through the study of the stars and seasons and in turn the study of cycles and patterns. This was a great inspiration in the creation of Órbita Semanal: A system for aligning with the natural cycles, a practice of developing our attention and presence. This is what makes the magic happen. 💫

• Presence is honoring ourselves and others.
• Presence is observation and acceptance.
• Presence is love, and love transforms.

If there is one thing I encourage you to do is to go for a walk.  Say hi to the stranger, the animals, and be open to the lessons of nature.

The natural world from which all knowledge comes from is asking for our attention.

Go out into the world and practice trust, clear communication, and presence.

Interview a parent or loved one and look beyond roles and see them as souls just like yourself. Enter intelligently, sympathetically and understandingly into their consciousness and try to understand why they think as they do without a wish to change; only to understand.

• Keep asking questions.

Meet yourself, the friend, and the world anew.

Con amor, 

Bryan G Olivas Orozco (writer)

Revised by Marcelo S. Villaseñor (Translation incoming!)